Lordly lord, where ever should I begin? Ive read up and down about how beautiful the hand drawn animation is, how wonderful the water sequences look, and how imaginative the character design is…and I have to say Yes! The film does have its pretty moments, BUT SO THE FUCK WHAT.
Absolutely nothing happens in this vacant, plot-less hallucination of a movie. The whole film seemed to be brimming with promise, each new scene loaded with the potential to shotgun the audience with a macguffin, but alas, that illusionistic plot device never appeared. Instead the audience was treated to scene after scene of increasingly improbable and bizarre sequences that moved the non-existent plot foreword steadily and safely...THEN! all of a sudden, at the end of the movie…get ready for it… IT ENDED!
I could “be fair” and acknowledge the fact that this is just a simple children’s film with a simplistic target demographic with low expectations and a base sense of quality…but you know what Hayao Miyazaki, CHILDREN ARE FUCKING SMARTER THAN THIS. And also, how the fuck do you come from Spirited Away and end up with PONYO!?!?
